Caitlin’s Story

Hi! I’m Caitlin.

I met Camille on a Period Tracking app (yes, embarrassing) and I heard about this amazing project called Love Yourself Again. As soon I read her post I had to become a part of it! So I emailed Camille and she was kind enough to give me a spot on this blog! Camille advised me to tell you guys a little about my past. Just before I go into it I just want to say that this may be triggering, and also I would love to thank Camille for this opportunity!

It all started about a year and three months ago. I had just started secondary school (yes, I am 14!) and I wasn’t really settling in. I had friends but not “forever” friends. Now I’m not saying I had no friends; I still have a wonderful friend who has helped me through this hard time.

Towards December of 2013, I felt sad and depressed. I also had suicidal feelings and told no one. The first time I cut myself, my sister and mum were out shopping and my dad was gone for a walk. When my mum came home she saw the cuts and asked me what happened. I told her it was the dog (I have four dogs!). A couple of nights after that my sister had written a poem on her personal experience going through anxiety and mild depression. We later found out that she has Autism. In that poem, she had written about having suicidal feelings. There was something in me that told me that I should tell my mum and dad about that night I cut myself. So I did. This was around January of 2014.

At the beginning of February, I asked my mum and dad if could I go to my local  GP/doctor. The GP referred me to a psychiatrist. The first time I went to my psychiatrist was around early March. I didn’t like this psychiatrist; neither did my mum or dad, but I kept with her. She gave me no help. I got even worse. I cut more and made a new Instagram account aside from my personal one. I posted depression quotes and sad quotes. I was so down and depressed that I made a date that I would commit suicide. I knew how and I knew when I was going to do it. So I lived life to its fullest: I dyed my hair green at the ends and then went ombré. I was happy. Happy that I wouldn’t have to go to school. (School was a huge part of my depression).

On the way to one of my appointments along with my mum and dad, I felt that I should tell them about the date. So I did. I also told my psychiatrist, but she didn’t listen. I felt like she wanted me in a hospital about to die before she would believe me.  But to me, that date was still on; I was still going to kill myself. So my mum and dad decided to homeschool me because school was stressing me out so much.

Skipping on to September 2014, a new psychiatrist came and took over my file. She was the first psychiatrist out of all of the doctors and nurses that I talked to that told me that I was severely depressed. My mam, who was there, told me that when my psychiatrist told me that I was very depressed, my face lit up. To hear those words after one year of no one actually saying that I was severely depressed was such a relief.

I then started to get better! I was myself. I was happy.

Skipping onto January 2015 (this month): I am okay. Not as good as I was in September, but still happy! My favorite thing to do is help people. My email is caitlin@loveyourselfagain.com. For anyone who wants to talk, I’m here. Please feel free to email me.

So that’s basically my story. And again I would like to thank Camille for letting me be a part of this project. Here’s to more blog posts to come!

P.S. Everyday is a second chance. So make this one better than the last one!

Love.

Caitlin.

One thought on “Caitlin’s Story

  1. Being able to acknowledge your fear is the greatest step toward diminishing it’s hold upon you. I am very proud of you! I’ve suffered depression for over thirty years, but I am stronger now than I have ever been in my life.

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