It sucks to think that nobody wants you.
Like when your best friend didn’t choose you as her maid of honour in spite of the countless times and sleepless nights you were there for her and her relationship.
Or when the person you were in love with took you for granted.
Or when that person you thought was a good match for you (as a friend) never talked to you again.
Or when your older sister decided someone else should be her daughter’s sponsor even when your relationship with your niece clearly stands out.
Maybe I’m just jealous and needy.
Because the truth is, my best friend has another best friend. Why would she have chosen me when their relationship is stronger?
The person I was in love with didn’t hurt me intentionally. He didn’t know better.
The person I thought would be a good friend simply didn’t see me the same way. Plus, who knows what goes on in his life? Certainly not this stranger. So I can’t really say it didn’t work out because of me until he actually says so.
And my niece’s sponsor is my younger sister who is most like my older sister. Besides, it’s not like I have the best relationship with my older sister.
I guess I just feel lonely.
In truth, I haven’t thought about many of these situations I’ve mentioned above. I thought I’ve let go. But sometimes feelings come up unexpectedly. One thing reminds you of another, which reminds you of yet another thing until it snowballs into this heavy lump in your heart.
Have you ever experienced that?
I wish I knew how to stop it or how to let the snowball simply roll away.
I mean, writing it out definitely helped. But it’s probably because I’ve mostly accepted these situations and called truce. It just doesn’t stop hurting, is all.
I guess I better get my day started and focus on self-care instead of self-pity.
Let the snowball roll away.