Lost | End of Month Thoughts

I wish there was someone I can text/talk to anytime, especially when I feel lost.

Right now, I don’t feel like doing anything but I know I need lots of stuff to get done. It’s like feeling lazy, except I know it’s not laziness but depression gnawing at me.

I have a big weekend coming up but I’m feeling anxious and depressed. I can’t not go because I don’t want to disappoint anyone and be unreliable.

I want to be better. I want to do better. But it’s not just a battle of wills. I’m back in the dark.

Could it be my new medication not taking its full effect? Do I need a higher dosage or a different pill altogether? I hate relying on medicine but, unfortunately, I have to. At least for a long while.

I practice yoga once in a while. I know that I’ll have to do it regularly to feel the benefits. But it’s difficult when you’re swamped with dementors and your patronus isn’t strong enough.

I’m trying to be stronger and I’m challenging myself with my own version of #GrowYourYoga by Moksha Yoga studios next month.

I can’t afford the price of joining in the official challenge, so I’ve challenged myself to “grow” my yoga to three times a week. I’ve already populated my calendars (paper & digital) with the classes I want to attend in April. I’ve also lined up some books on Eastern philosophy and on yoga beyond the mat.

I’m scared I’ll just brush off the challenge like I usually do with changes I want to do in my life.

How do I take it one step at a time?

How do I not overwhelm myself with so many important things like school, work, and other career-related activities?

How do I take time for myself without leaving others behind?

How do I stick to my plans and reach my goals?

I feel so lost and overwhelmed all the time.

And I’m running out of time to figure things out because I’m getting old.

I can’t push school further back when I’ve always known what I want to pursue and I can only get there with a postsecondary education.

I can’t not try to get a job–any job–because I’m slowly sinking in money troubles.

But how do I balance both of that with taking care of myself and ensuring I’m okay?

How do I become okay with feeling alone?

How do I keep myself from drowning?

Striving for balance is one of the most difficult tasks in life. More often than not, I feel lost. Lost on what to do, what to think, what to feel… How do I balance work, school, friends, family, and myself? How do I claim my days? | #zotd is #equilibrium (in picture) and #understanding (right hand) | https://www.instagram.com/p/BRs81JQjObt/

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