I’m still in the process of building this website and organizing all these thoughts and ideas in my head, but I’ll begin with a kind of an impromptu post just to clear my head.
As you could imagine, being depressed is tough. No, it doesn’t mean I’m always sad. However, it does mean that my mood and energy levels are usually low.
For a while now, I have felt numb and confused in my head. There are so many things going on in my life that I don’t know how to focus on them.
Missing my medications or not taking them doesn’t help, of course. But I’ve set myself up for a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.
How do I focus on one thing and let the other(s) run its course to failure?
I have too much on my plate. But I don’t know what to give up for now.
I can’t even concentrate on writing this post, let alone sit down and think of what I have to do next in my life.
School? Work? Business? Moving out? Getting proper rest and nourishment?
It may seem straightforward for many. I have to take care of myself first. But our lives are driven with so much haste now that if I do that, I miss out on everything else that I have to do. Of course I’d like to be healthy first. But all these worries, stress, and pressure are just making everything so complicated.
I have felt hopeless one too many times. I have wanted to give up on everything and just live the rest of my life as a derelict – doing nothing productive at all. Just sitting around in the house without having a care in the world.
But I can’t. Despite things getting blurry in my head, I have dreams I yearn to achieve someday. I’m no longer in any hurry to get there. I just want to get there. I wish I could just take a nap for several days and wake up without anything else in my life changing and moving forward, resulting in various consequences.
“In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.”
– Iroh, Avatar: The Last Airbender
I have yet to find my inner strength. There are things in life that I look forward to, but hope slips out of my grasp far too easily. I find myself losing the motivation to keep moving forward. However, I will continue putting one foot in front of another. I will push through and power through all this.
I hope that whatever you are going through, you find the inner strength to keep moving forward as well.